When I was in college, I met a student who was in her Senior year. She told me she hated her degree, but was so far in that she had to finish it. She’d found something she’d liked better—too late. Many other students I’d met had switched degrees several times.
Now, of course, there’s nothing wrong with a good pivot. It’s really smart to know how to change before it is too late. As adults, we’ve even changed careers-after years. And certainly that can be a good new season.
In some countries and even in certain parts of the U.S., however, you are expected to pick a path early on. A teenager may already be expected to have decided their arts, technology, or sciences career path and be in a specialized school for their choice.
So, this may be relevant for even your pre-teen. But whether your kid has until they’re eighteen or nineteen or if they are starting much earlier, I’m talking about one of the greatest things to keep your them out of mischief: purpose.
So many parents seem to fear the teen years, as if it’s inevitable that it’ll be a nightmare season. But haven’t you met those amazing teens that are courteous, respectful, and responsible? If they can exist, then you can raise them. Right?
I don’t have all the answers. But what I do have is the concept and principle of purpose. Purpose is a driving, motivating factor, and when someone knows their purpose, their calling, and their identity, they won’t have time to be idle. After all, “idle hands lead to mischief.”
So many parents fret over their kids’ choices, and that is really a whole topic of its own. But if a teen who has a real handle on their direction, they’ll have something they are passionate about to take up their time and energy. They’ll have many more reasons to make good life choices.
Not to mention that this will give them that head start on a career for their adult life; which, let’s face it, will equate to fewer years mucking about and wasting time generally. We all want a life full of purpose, full of confidence, and full of joy for ourselves and for our loved ones.
All right, so what can you as a parent do to tap into your kid’s potential?
1. What have they always been like?
Your child’s natural interests, especially from a young age, will give you clues. I actually think of parenting as a sort of journey of discovery; what new discovery about this person that God made is there to find out? What does this limitless life of getting to know them have for me today? It’s like each of us are packaged with everything we will ever need in this life and as kids grow, you get to find out more.
That’s why I enjoy conversations with kids of any age; I just want to get to know them. If you know what to ask, you can have a great conversation with the kids who enter your life.
Nowadays, so often, teens have phones and earpods to helpfully tune adults out in social settings, which is too bad. But try it. Try chatting with a friend’s kid or your teen’s friends. Ask them about what they are into lately and why. What they like to do in their free time. And sometimes you’ll find a really neat connection and have a fun story you know on that topic, or an experience you’ve had to give them something to think about. Not everyone will engage, and that’s okay, but the point is that you gave them the gift of attention. And teens are too often overlooked by adults. I suggest you be the adult who notices them, and doesn’t overlook them.
Action Step:
So, if you haven’t yet, make it your intention to get to know your teen even more. At this time, in this season that they are in. Which, by the way, if you’re married for any length of time, you know that adults change over time, too, and being married is another journey of discovery of getting to know more about the person you chose to spend your life with, who is (hopefully) constantly changing and developing and growing, too. But I digress.
If you have been intentional and feel you have a good handle on your teen’s natural bent, find those things that not only they like today, but think back to when they were toddlers or preschoolers; what might have a talent hidden within it that they could bring to a fresh fruition as a teenager? After all, you’re the person who was there to witness it all, and you know best!
2. What is their personality type?
This is actually quite different than point number one. Previously, I meant their likes, dislikes, or interests. This delves more into what they are like internally.
Some people really dislike personality tests. Why? Because they “put you in a box.” I am not trying to put your teen in a box. However, I do know from experience that these sorts of tests and explanations have been incredibly helpful for me to understand people who just aren’t like me. Like, at all. You know what I mean? And how many of us maybe share several traits with our kids but there are some traits that we have no idea about? Probably…100% all of us.
For instance, I will never forget when my oldest slid into our kitchen like Fonzie and said, “I look cool” with as much confidence as said Fonzie (from Happy Days). My husband and I looked at each other and said in disbelief, “Where did that come from?” Not only are we not naturally like that (and I do adore and admire this about my eldest!), but I honestly don’t know of any sibling or other relative on either side that carries that sort of…natural self-assurance.
I have, therefore, definitely been in search of help to understand those parts of my loved ones that I just don’t naturally relate to! And personality traits have certainly been a big part of that.
Action Step:
So what about you? What personality type are you? What about the ones around you? How about their love languages? Ways to recharge and have downtime? What about how they relate to others? As you remember all these things about your teen, you’ll begin to get a better idea of that big picture that’s their overall and I might say, overarching, purpose in life.
3. What gifts do they possess?
Your child’s giftings are going to be a big clue into their purpose in life. And, by the way, when I say purpose in life, I mean that they will have the task of unraveling it the rest of their lives. I believe that you have an obligation to continue to unravel yours, by the way.
But as far as your kid goes, as a parent, I think we will know a great deal always, but we won’t know everything about them-how they are wired or what they are going to do in the future.(anyone who’s a parent and eighty years or older, feel free to write in and let me know if I’m right about this!)
I only mean as a parent, you are positioned to be the individual in their life who is most invested in and best positioned to help them unwrap who they are made to be, and to equip them with the tools they’ll need in adulthood to continue on their own.
Action Step:
So what gifts does your teen or tween have? Are they good at sports, writing, STEM, music, or making viral videos? Are they good at connecting people with new people, are they deep thinkers and observers, or do they have a strong gift for food or fashion, or both?
A caveat here; I think we need to have, as parents, our own giftings reconciled, if you will, in order to accurately assess theirs. If we are projecting unrequited desires of our own youth onto them, it can really distort how we see their gifts. Watch out for that.
Also, watch out for your judgements of their gifts. Remember, they are born for their generation. This is where you need to know principles. If you get generational trends mixed up with unchangeable principles, you’ll get confused and be like my grandparents who, God bless them, thought that it was wrong to wear jeans in the 60’s. What’s your “jeans” of today?
4. Family Legacy Patterns
I think that interests and talents run in families for a reason. I think that families and extended families can have untapped purpose to pursue, and that most of us have absolutely no idea what that’s supposed to look like.
In fact, I’ll go out on a limb here, and venture to say that the negative side of this is nepotism. That is a bias based on relationship. However, what if the positive version of it is that whole families are called to serve the world together-in harmony, not in the stereotypical bickering and infighting? Food for thought. On the other hand, that infighting makes for great mystery stories-at least, that seems to be a basis for so many of them I read growing up!
Wow, I’m really into the bunny trails today. I’ll try to stay on topic for you.
So, family traits. Are there a lot of musical people in your family? Perhaps leaders? Or maybe singers, songwriters, authors, or artists? Perhaps a lot of people on both sides of your teen’s family are great at creating structure, or amazing food, or just love to farm the land. And your same teen has an untapped potential as a person who works with seeds, soil, growth, and harvest.
Action Step:
As you survey your family and your teen’s legacy, what do you see? Also, what dreams did people in their past have that went unfulfilled? Was there a great-uncle who always talked about travel or a great-aunt who had a special heart for animals and taking care of strays? Maybe try a few of those out with your teen or offer small ways for them to “sample” something that’s lying dormant within their family legacy. You never know, you might find something tied to their personal purpose.
5. The Art Of Trying New Things
After having surveyed and collated so many things within your teen’s past, let’s dive into their future now.
I skipped the present as, to be honest, it is the most evident: it’s right there in front of you. What did they consume their free time with this last week? Last month? Bingo, it’s what they are interested in right now!
But what about looking forward? Sometimes we don’t know we are going to like something until we try it out. And this is a great opportunity to give your teen a special gift, a special asset within their collection of entering adulthood: the gift of discomfort. It’s a huge gift to get out of your own comfort zone. It’s where growth happens.
Now, you may have a teen that enjoys new things. In fact, the younger you are, most likely (personality set aside) you’ll never be more likely to enjoy trying new things, and lots of teens are no exception. Your teen may adore new experiences. Capitalize on that in a good way, and help them find new avenues of their purpose. Be willing to come alongside them and try new things, too, if possible.
And as they explore, teach them how to be uncomfortable trying new things. It’ll absolutely help them in their adult lives to do things they maybe don’t want to do, but do want deep down, and really, they’re scared, but they want to try.
I mean this for positive things, of course, not teen dares or whatever. Which can be a teaching moment in itself; if you can explain to your teen when it is appropriate to do daring things, and challenging things, and when not to (when it’s stupid, hah!), suddenly they’ve got a new conversation from you to be able to replay in their head when the peer pressure suddenly shows up.
So perhaps it’s rock climbing, or surfing, or zip-lining; maybe it’s being on stage, giving a speech, or going out for a team. Whatever that brave thing is, help them to know that you’ve got their back, that it’s okay to fail-you just learn from mistakes or failed attempts-and how to get back up. What a gift from a parent to a teen!
Action Step:
So, what do you think for your teen? How can you utilize these aspects to start to pull up out of them (gently I mean, of course), their purpose, their calling, their desires? If you have a teenager who is trying new things, who has a sense of legacy, who has identified their gifts and where they want those gifts to be developed so that they take them places they want to go—the Olympics, the Senate, the speaker’s podium, the back alleyways to help those who are homeless…if they have gotten a strong sense of purpose, they’ll not have near so much time nor motivation to be idle, get into mischief, and wander off the path that you know, in your advanced years of wisdom, will only delay and harm them, and not help them.
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Anyway, do please take a look at the details below!
Welcome to the Homeschool Giveaway!
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Important Details:
- Entries accepted through January 16, 2024.
- Winner announcement shortly after.
- For all terms and conditions, refer to the Rafflecopter.
If you have more questions, read the Terms and Condition on the Rafflecopter.
We understand the dedication it takes to homeschool, especially when your teen is your focus. This giveaway is our way of saying thank you for being part of this incredible community.
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a Rafflecopter giveaway